my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
