I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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