I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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