69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
