I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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