You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
