I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My life is pants optional.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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