dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
