Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
