yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
