I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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