I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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