Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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