guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you didnt know i had herpes?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
