What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
