Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
