remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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