i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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