sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
