Swine flu. Run for my life!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize