I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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