Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
