you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
