You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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