guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
