i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
