I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
