if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
