I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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