she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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