You smell like stripper and shame
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
