I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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