omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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