Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
