You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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