And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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