i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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