Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
