He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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