I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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