please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize