its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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