where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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