I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize