Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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