It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
