The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
