Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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