Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
