Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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