just come out here and I will go home with you...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
