just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
