I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
