i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
