david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
