Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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