she was so not down for the gang bang
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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