i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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