What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You are the jesus of drinking
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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