are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
