you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
ttyl tear gas
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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