All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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