he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
