Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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