Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
