all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
