That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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