whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
