yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dignity is for republicans.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize