And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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