He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
