the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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