i need an iv and a liver transplant
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize