too bad you live with your parents still
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
