Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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