I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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