Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My breasts were aching with rage.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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