u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
