He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
