know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize