it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My ass is underappreciated
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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