Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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